I think the most painful thing is when you realise you have to move on. and gooshh it hurts so much. I don't think i could ever feel the way i used to feel. I make myself cry to feel better and it's not working... I thought i would be heartbroken and cry in bed for days. Why isn't working? I felt more pain when you went away. to be honest I think you left my heart there because i don't feel it anymore. I'm not sad because I miss you, I'm sad because I don't. You ruined everything. I always thought it would be you. You would be the person I will always love.. Don't get me wrong.. I will probably always love you but i'm finally not in love with you anymore. Few days ago, I felt down because I asked myself where was I a year ago... the way was 'with you' we were having one of our fight but i never stopped believe in you..in us. I always thought things could get better and we will get through it. But today I don't have the same opinion. The truth is you broke me A. you broke every hope that I had in us. I wonder if one day i will be able to feel that feeling again, not about you but about someone else.When you get out of a relationship you have two ways of dealing with it. Either you're sad and think about the person all day long. Either you try to move on the quicker you can. I think I went for option two. I have no regrets ending things with you because like I said you broke me. I would have done anything to protect you,anything for you. But you didn't believe in me, You never trusted me. you pushed me away since the first day. I was angry, angry at me. for letting you control my life since i first met you. angry for being so naive, angry for forgiving you many times. Because all that matter for me was you, and how you feel at the end of the day. See the thing with me is it takes me lot and long time to let someone in my life. To tryst them. And i never never had doubt about you, and the person you were. I would have let me you guide me with my eyes closed for a very long time. But i hope you will one day understand that you are the one who made that mistake to ruin everything. I used to think you were worth all the money in the word and much more. You were everything and more for me. If today i finally found the time to write this down, it means that I finally moved on from you and from what you brought or didn't bring to my life. Not a single tear on my eye.. With all this time we spent together, i will always keep the good memories and good times we had together because you were still my first real love. And if one day you find this blog maybe you will realise how everything was about you and always has been since i first met you. A, i truly wish one day you will understand what you let go. This is the last time I will ever mention you, i would like to thank you for what you ever taught me in life, and what you brought, because no, I have no regrets meeting you. You showed me what real love was. What it is to care and look for someone. You were family, a true best friend someone i could talked to any time, you would always gave me you vision of things. I had a huge respect for you. and i always wanted to have you in my life, just to be able to know if you were okay. Today i don't want this anymore, But i really wish you find happiness and someone you deserve to be with and vise versa. if our lives ever come to the same path again, I will smile at you, just because there is no hate in the world i live in. Anyway... Best of Luck in your future, always be loved... goodbye A..
M.
M.